babies were throwing up all over the place
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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