forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
