Apparently you make a good broom.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
