Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
