I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
