I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
