If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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