His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
