Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
