handjob tips. give me some.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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