How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
