My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
