i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This baby is an asshole
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
