we're blogging at a bar
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
