Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
