He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
