dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
