Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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