The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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