I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
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Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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