i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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