I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my shit smells like andre
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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