It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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