my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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