there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
