Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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