I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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