Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
