So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
