He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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