Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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