used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
