Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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