She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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