Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
