redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
