Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
