he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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