So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
