And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
