I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
