what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
