i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
3 2 1 whiskey
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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