well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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