first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I still have a little drunk in my system
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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