I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
