I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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