I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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