The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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