areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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