Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
