Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
