What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I will be naked everywhere
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
