I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
