i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
