he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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