five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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