Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
