party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
