Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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