I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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