THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize