i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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