I just saw a hot homeless man
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
