PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
