Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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