we're chasing vodka with high fives
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Someone signed my nipple.
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