we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
