i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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