I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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