I look better un-naked...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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