once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
