I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
