he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
