i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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