I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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