my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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