I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
