I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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