yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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